Welcome back to the program!

I have a confession:

This is the third time I've remodeled this blog.
I just can't bring myself to creating another rather than revamping this one. The domain name has changed before though, so initial readers are non-existent (as if they existed in the first place, HA!). I just hope that you enjoy this version of my blog more than previous ones. Now, on to new matters!!

I AM A DROPOUT!

Just thought I'd get that off my chest. If I had considered this three years ago, I would be the world's biggest failure. But this isn't 2008, and I'm not the person I used to be. This fall term has been extremely difficult for me physically and mentally. I had sprained my back in the summer time while working and that has progressed to pinched nerves and possibly a slipped disk. All has been absolutely wonderful in my life the past 6 or so months because of these problems.
Then there's the emotional trauma that I've been suffering since April; depression, anxiety and newly developed agoraphobia (only the first being diagnosed). I've been offered anti-depressants multiple times over the last few months (I'm wary of them and would rather deal with my problems then medicate them though) and have been seeing a counselor since late September.

So, since I'm packing up and heading home on Sunday, I figured that blogging my feelings away over the next eight months might help me manage my emotion problems, physical challenges and academic hurdles. I just hope that I'll be able to dedicate myself to the blog moreso than I have in the past. Here's hoping. ALSO! Pardon my language, since this is just streaming from my brain, I'm not censoring. If you're not a fan of mild profanity and the occasional rant, this blog is not for you. You've been warned.

My first step in this process is to move back home. Living in the dorms, I'm not allowed to stay if I drop out, so everything has to go home early. This is probably the suckier of the process since I've been keeping my departure under wraps, nothing says "I'm a failure" more than moving all your crap out of residence. Tomorrow, my mother and brother are driving down with boxes and Sunday my dad is bringing the truck to get me out of this shithole.
I'm having a lot of mixed feelings about the whole situation, I think that once I'm home I'll be much more content with my choice of leaving school. It was bound to happen this year though, just with how I've been feeling, it's been horribly difficult to get from class to class. Then with the emotional side, it's just made it incredibly difficult to focus on my work and I always felt lonely. I drifted from place to place on campus, never really having someone to do things with. So you can sort of see why the choice to leave was a good one.

I believe that's a fine enough introduction from tonight, I will be back, to talk about my future plans and what I hope to do over the next eight months at home with my family.

Until then, <3!