X-Ring and Packing

Today is the Feast of St. Francis Xavier, I happen to be going to the school named after him, so we get our grad rings on this day rather than later this year. There's an elaborate ceremony and tons of parties to celebrate the seniors getting their rings. Most people have their families come from away to celebrate, it's pretty much like graduation but it's a bit bigger in a way because you don't carry your degree with you everywhere; most people wear these rings more than their wedding bands.

Guess who got hers today? Guess who also did nothing to celebrate today? That's right, me. Rather than having my family down here to celebrate receiving my ring and going to the ceremony to get my ring. I spent the day packing my dorm room up and walked down to the jewelery store at 5 to get my ring. Let me tell you, I seriously considered jumping off the bridge you have to cross to get to main st., I was that depressed. This is one of the more major days of your undergraduate here, and although I had been looking forward to this day since first year, I did none of it. When I had the ring in hand, I felt as if I didn't deserve it. I'm leaving, so why should I get one, right. I didn't want to put it on, I wanted to leave this precious thing safely in it's box. Feeling more that it currently represents my failures more than my successes.

When I got off the phone with my mom, I still felt pretty much the same about it. Regretful and low about the whole situation (I should be partying, not packing after all). When I tried it on, it felt too tight, which made the whole situation just terrible...

After a while, I put it back on and just left it. Now that I've had it on for a few hours, I feel much better about the situation. It took me 1184 days to earn this ring, it took passes and failures, learning about myself as a student and a person. I don't want to say that on the path to getting this ring has made me the person I am today, because as of today, I don't like myself very much. I'm thinking of this more as a reward for the past 3 years of suffering and hopefully it will give me the boost I so direly need to finish my degree. Until then, I'm a walking fraud, since the ring says 2012 but I will be graduating in 2013. I do hope that I will be able to resubmit my ring next year and participate in all the events that I was forced to miss. I deserve something from this.

Even had I been able to participate, it would have still been a lonely day because my parents were both feeling ill today, they wouldn't have been able to make the trip down and friends are something of a hot commodity for me lately... This situation was probably much for the best.

So instead, I spent the day slowly packing all my stuff. Got about 3 boxes done (I'm limited on the things I can pack since I don't have many boxes) and all my clothes packed up to go. Also, I took down 13 posters, which I only got up about a month and a half ago (that took forever). I watched 5 episodes of the first season of Rome while I did that. Now my walls are bare and my drawers are empty. This is pretty real and really sucky right now.
All I can do is hope it gets better. The best part of this whole thing, is that I don't have to write any exams. :)

I guess that's about it for now. Tomorrow is the move back home, that should make me happier for a while.

Tootles!